This life or the better one?

I'll see if I can write this post without deleting it? It's easy to begin but not so easy to finish, but some posts probably are better deleted. I am a Christian & I believe in heaven. I believe the Bible tells us it is BETTER to depart & be with Jesus. I believe that Jesus WARNED us not to love our lives. My pastor has been discouraged lately because he spends a lot of time with the sick & dying, & frankly, I believe he is depressed & I DO NOT want to judge that mental state because the Lord knows I have been there as well. I have not spent much time with the sick & dying or doing funerals but I think it could get depressing. One of the problems I see though, is pastor is blaming himself & the church for unbelief because "if we knew Jesus, we would see miracles & people being healed". This goes a little deeper as pastor has a decidedly "charismatic bent" in his theology. He has also been known to disagree with those who "believe the gifts of healings, etc. has ceased". So it just gets a little weird to me, as I certainly believe God CAN HEAL IF HE WANTS TO but He doesn't always want to, & maybe I'm not so quick to blame myself if God doesn't do what I ask or want Him to. I'm not judging, as I certainly have my own issues with the hard things of life & blaming others & getting puffed up & self-righteous when I notice weaknesses. I'm praying for pastor & I'm praying for my attitude to be humble & helpful & understanding. It just seems to me that maybe the REAL UNBELIEF lies in whether or not we believe Jesus that this life is not to be loved & lived for our pleasure but to "take up the cross"(i.e. whatever suffering, discomforts, or unpleasant things that God asks of us) It seems to me that we should actually have more joy in seeing people depart for heaven. I know we grieve,but not as the Bible says,as "those who have no hope". Okay, no deleting....I know this is imperfect as I am, but somehow God uses me to get His message out, as He does all of us Christians!   Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia