No Fear

If you have read a little here or know me, then you know I have nine children & eight grandchildren (with # 9 on the way). I am 55 years old. It is a little bit unusual these days to have nine children  but it is even more unusual to have eight C-sections. Baby #4 arrived seven weeks early and I was flown to a Denver hospital where the staff assured me this baby was small enough to deliver normally, despite my previous three C-sections. He was small enough to my surprise, but he still was nearly 5 lbs & very healthy. He remained in the hospital several weeks until he was strong enough to nurse.       During prenatal care for baby #5, my doctor became nervous to the point of lecturing me for having too many babies. I decided that he made me nervous & quit going to prenatal appointments. I went to the hospital when I went into labor & told them I would need a C-section. That doctor was upset at me as well because I had quit prenatal care. He had a change of attitude & eventually became one of my favorite doctors. All the C-sections were complication free & I healed normally.....until baby #9.        I was 43 years old when I became pregnant with baby #9. I had some spotting in the early months & just didn't feel well much of the pregnancy. I thought it was because I was getting older.  In the seventh month I had a major bleeding episode which stopped on it's own, thankfully. I was flown to a Denver hospital quickly  & had another bleeding episode there which, again, thankfully stopped  on it's own. I had placenta percreta which means the placenta had reattached itself through the uterus into the bladder because of thin uterine walls caused generally by many C-sections. (I don't want to worry anyone, this is extremely rare!) So, long story made short, David was born nearly full term & generally healthy. I had a C-section, hysterectomy, & bladder reconstruction ( after they cut away the part the placenta had attached itself to). This was a serious surgery which required 100 units of blood, plasma,etc., but I survived with minor complications.   Honestly, the worst part was waking in ICU with the gagging respirator in my throat & the staff telling me I had to wait to get it out, ( supposedly making sure I could breathe okay). Well, I thought I could breathe just fine & that they wanted to torture me for several hours.  I have a rather strong opinion against ever being put on a respirator for a prolonged time because of that experience.               This post has been the hardest one so far, to complete. I have been praying to understand why, & at this point I believe I should simply confess that it is SO EASY for me to think I am somebody special because of the wonderful things the Lord has done for me. Again, & again, & again I have to remind myself that I am NOTHING without God & I am NOBODY special. I do NOT understand grace! All I know is that all the blessings the Lord gives me is because He has chosen me & because His MERCIES are huge! Why does He choose one & not another? I don't know except that His mercies are huge! (Romans Chapter 9) I am happy to say I am a NOBODY with God's immense blessing!!! There is no more to say!      Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia          Isaiah 43:1-3   "Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you & when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel; your Savior."