False Alarm

Today I spent a frightening 5 to 10 minutes wandering around the WalMart parking lot looking for my car. The reason I was so afraid was because I thought someone might have stolen it with Josh sitting inside. I lock the car, but leave the ignition key so Josh can listen to his music. Josh happily watches people going in and out of the store while he has a snack. I hurry and only shop for a few things. Thankfully, I eventually realized, I was searching around the wrong entrance, and finally found him right in front of the other entrance. Whew...huge relief! That got me thinking how many awful things might have happened to me, except for the grace of God and His protection and sovereignty in my life. I struggle to remember that He is with me and fully in control, and working it ALL for my good. Even if the terrible would occur in my life, God is there and He is for me! 💟💟💟 P.S. I figured out blogging on my phone...easy!

The Youngbloods - Get Together - 1967

Faces in the walls

Okay, this will be rather weird but you know what they say about truth being stranger than fiction. I had a strange dream last night in which three different faces suddenly appeared in my walls. They were separate incidents and it was sort of like I was looking at a picture but there was a real face in my wall and I was rather freaked out! Scenes switch and I find myself calmly explaining to a dear one (Trish and Tammy were in this dream) that these faces with the tortured expressions represented people outside my house that needed to hear the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ! It was like even though I felt scared, I knew exactly why God had allowed those strange apparitions! There were some other details I remember, like a huge river right next to my house. So I am wondering how God might possibly use me to reach people when I am so housebound with a special needs son? Then I read a blog that refers to a house church in the Bible (Col.4:15) I wonder how many people with special needs children cannot attend a regular church but might be able to attend a small house church? I am finding this idea intriguing at this point. Well that covers it for now...I will be praying about all this and will see if anything comes of it or was it simply a strange dream and that's it?

Dark Shadows

     Who else out there will occasionally click on one of the creepy titled Facebook links just out of curiosity? Occasionally my curiosity leads into spending a few hours online reading endless information about some bizarre topic, and then there are the videos and photos....A few weeks ago I saw a link about Sharon Tate. I was a young teen when the Manson murders occurred and I found a few books years later (Helter Skelter, and a biography of one of the young female murderers named Susan Atkins that actually turned out positive, as she claimed Christianity later in prison.) Anyhow, I found myself extremely curious about Sharon and delved into a lot of information and PHOTOS, despite having nagging, somewhat irrational fears that I wouldn't be able to get the horror out of my mind and might not sleep well for a few nights. I watched "Hush,Hush, Sweet Charlotte when I was about ten years old and I remember two nights of barely being able to sleep, while my younger sister by one year, who also saw the movie, dozed off peacefully. (Remember that Tammy?) My fears about scary movies lessened as I grew older, but I also learned to avoid them as well. So, looking at crime scene photos and autopsy reports is something I've actually NEVER DONE BEFORE, up until a few weeks ago. Part of me wanted to "face my fears" with more courage. Part of me wondered if God had a rather mysterious message for me somewhere in all this, because about a week before I found Sharon's photo on my facebook feed I had a dream.                                                                                           I don't even remember the dream....just that I was terrified and I woke up in the wee hours of the morning startled. Not super unusual....I occasionally have a nightmare. However, this was unusual as I could not remember one single detail of the dream...except for the words Helter Skelter. And this was bright and early election day morning! So it was pretty weird, and it stuck with me.                               So anyway, it was pretty interesting reading about the Manson murders and looking at images and videos. They do tend to stick vividly in the mind, but not for long that day. As I got ready for bed, I wondered if I might have another nightmare or trouble falling asleep. I put a nitelight on, prayed as usual as I lay in bed and drifted off to have a good night of sleep. In the morning, I was a bit amazed, but I wholeheartedly gave the credit to God for simply taking my fears away and giving me an incredible peace despite reading about a very horrible story!                                                                   "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee..." Isaiah 26:3

I'm Back!

     It has been very hard for me to write on this blog. I have a string of excuses that stop me. You might wonder what motivates me at this point...it's guilt! The more I just read and entertain myself on the computer, the more I hear this small voice nagging at me. It tells me I need to SHARE. My natural tendency appears to be TAKE, TAKE, and TAKE some more. I begin to feel overstuffed & glutted. I guess God knows! You've heard how a pond gets stagnant unless the water flows out? That's also how I feel...stagnated and yucky. And also, one of my BEST excuses (there are so MANY writers already and many of them write pretty much about things I've thought or discovered, why should I bother???) God has lovingly but firmly exposed with the truth that He has created EACH ONE of uniquely and differently enough that I am MISSED when I disappear into my introverted self! Even when I argue and whine; " but no one WANTS to listen to me, in fact some clearly want me to shut up!?! " God reminds me that I need to select my words ONLY to serve Him and not to worry about what anyone else thinks.      Matthew 10:27  " What I tell you in darkness, speak in the light. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the rooftop!" (Jesus)

Garden thoughts

It is truly lovely in my yard right now, with nice grass and many varieties of easy care flowers ( just add water if dry). So I was watering this morning and my shoes got pretty wet. I looked in my closet and found a white pair of sandals by Dr. Sholl that must have been on sale months ago because I remember thinking they were ugly, so they must have been cheap! Lol! Anyhow, my feet were a little tired from all the watering and those shoes felt HEAVENLY on my feet. So as I'm moving the sprinkler, I find myself looking at my feet, wondering if perhaps nail polish might help, and noticing many varicose veins, large and small under thin skin...not a pretty sight. Now here at this very ordinary moment I had what some might call an epiphany, but I prefer simpler words, so I will just say that a very strong and clear thought popped into my mind at this very time, sort of like outta nowhere, but I know where it came from (or I should say Who it came from!) The picture that came into my mind was an amazing glimpse of God's beauty, ( we know from the  Bible that people fell on their faces when beholding visions of the Lord and there is something called the "beauty of holiness") but the major thought in my mind was that God was inside of me, He was absolutely beautiful and how could silly nail polish ever compare with God's Spirit! I don't know what else to say, other than the Bible does say when we believe in Jesus, God's Spirit comes to dwell within us.    Love and prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia

Why I am afraid to blog again

So I haven't written any thing in over 6 months. This past year has probably been one of the most radical years in my life. Trying to help my son, who was depressed & suicidal, led me to move near Phoenix Arizona where he had stubbornly landed in their homeless shelter. I sold my home in Wyoming, which is near most of my children, and which I had been for over 30 years, and I seriously thought I'd be there the rest of my life. Despite so many radical changes in 6 months, we are remarkably stabilized & my son is doing well. I also have Joshua who is nearly 17 years old and severely mentally disabled. He doesn't talk. However, he is very large & healthy. But he has epilepsy & I have to supervise him carefully. David who is 14 is also with me. So obviously I keep busy with a lot of routine activities such as cooking, shopping, & cleaning. Just cooking for these three large guys can be a challenge! Earlier in January, I was participating in a church wide prayer time for a few weeks, during which I was looking for cheap houses on Zillow & I amazingly found one that I could afford that would put me in between most of my children & grandchildren with a two hour drive. So, in April I plan to take the two younger boys to our South Dakota house for a few months while the oldest stays in the Arizona house to work his job.                                                                                                              So these are the major changes. I never dreamed I would be a "snowbird". In fact I judged the "snowbirds" as selfish, pleasure seeking people who didn't care much about their children. Truthfully I still struggle with this attitude but I am slowly learning NOT to judge anyone....that is the Lord's business, not mine!                                                                                                                                      Now, I will tell how marvelous God has been in all this! Firstly, amidst all the chaos, worries, & fears that cropped up in the beginning of this journey, I found they were overshadowed by a STRONG impression that God was personally leading me out in the wilderness to have my undivided attention & to bless me. It was like a "romance" with God Himself, as I leaned on His strength & presence in a needy way that I never have before. I knew that I wanted to give God my full attention, if that were possible, & I was a bit surprised (again) by the wonderful joy & peace than was a stark contrast with some of my fearful times. I have been amazed MANY times, how in the big things & the little things, God answers my prayers & desires & even shows me how He is "behind the scenes", taking care of us even when I don't realize it.                                                                                                            Now I want to tell you why I am afraid to write here. The little Bible verse where Jesus tell us to "shout from the roof" what He whispers in our ears, well I'm hyper aware of how many foolish & opinionated things that are still in me, and I don't want to simply offer you a disclaimer that I will say & do many things still that are NOT from God. I just have a heightened desire to be honest and to tell you the loving truth about everything. I did delete a few posts & maybe will delete a few more in the future. I know none of us will ever be perfect, but I know we can learn to be very careful about the things we say & do, hopefully choosing to be kinder, wiser, & more loving in every situation.