Thursday, January 28, 2016
Why I am afraid to blog again
So I haven't written any thing in over 6 months. This past year has probably been one of the most radical years in my life. Trying to help my son, who was depressed & suicidal, led me to move near Phoenix Arizona where he had stubbornly landed in their homeless shelter. I sold my home in Wyoming, which is near most of my children, and which I had been for over 30 years, and I seriously thought I'd be there the rest of my life. Despite so many radical changes in 6 months, we are remarkably stabilized & my son is doing well. I also have Joshua who is nearly 17 years old and severely mentally disabled. He doesn't talk. However, he is very large & healthy. But he has epilepsy & I have to supervise him carefully. David who is 14 is also with me. So obviously I keep busy with a lot of routine activities such as cooking, shopping, & cleaning. Just cooking for these three large guys can be a challenge! Earlier in January, I was participating in a church wide prayer time for a few weeks, during which I was looking for cheap houses on Zillow & I amazingly found one that I could afford that would put me in between most of my children & grandchildren with a two hour drive. So, in April I plan to take the two younger boys to our South Dakota house for a few months while the oldest stays in the Arizona house to work his job. So these are the major changes. I never dreamed I would be a "snowbird". In fact I judged the "snowbirds" as selfish, pleasure seeking people who didn't care much about their children. Truthfully I still struggle with this attitude but I am slowly learning NOT to judge anyone....that is the Lord's business, not mine! Now, I will tell how marvelous God has been in all this! Firstly, amidst all the chaos, worries, & fears that cropped up in the beginning of this journey, I found they were overshadowed by a STRONG impression that God was personally leading me out in the wilderness to have my undivided attention & to bless me. It was like a "romance" with God Himself, as I leaned on His strength & presence in a needy way that I never have before. I knew that I wanted to give God my full attention, if that were possible, & I was a bit surprised (again) by the wonderful joy & peace than was a stark contrast with some of my fearful times. I have been amazed MANY times, how in the big things & the little things, God answers my prayers & desires & even shows me how He is "behind the scenes", taking care of us even when I don't realize it. Now I want to tell you why I am afraid to write here. The little Bible verse where Jesus tell us to "shout from the roof" what He whispers in our ears, well I'm hyper aware of how many foolish & opinionated things that are still in me, and I don't want to simply offer you a disclaimer that I will say & do many things still that are NOT from God. I just have a heightened desire to be honest and to tell you the loving truth about everything. I did delete a few posts & maybe will delete a few more in the future. I know none of us will ever be perfect, but I know we can learn to be very careful about the things we say & do, hopefully choosing to be kinder, wiser, & more loving in every situation.